Deja Vu

I just got back from my weekly treatment appointment.  I had to meet with the NP before my treatment because I did not receive treatment last week due to the fact I was out by Matt and Allison.  Unfortunately I got some not so good news.  My platelet count was way down, 61 vs 97 two weeks ago.  This number prompted them to cancel my treatment for this week.  I will continue to take my chemo pills for next week and then we may alternate between the infusion and pills as opposed to taking them together.  Now, to add insult to injury, the infection in my fingers is coming back.  We are going to jump on this right away with antibiotics and soaks with bleach water.  If this does not work, I have to meet with the surgeon again.  When I was originally told I had cancer, I wondered how this was going to affect me physically.  I knew chemo was nasty and made you feel crappy.  What I didn't know was that the side effects of the chemo would cause me more physical problems than the cancer itself.  Loss of feeling in your feet and hands, acne type rashes, infections in fingertips and toes and that overall crappy feeling are all from the treatment, not the disease.  It just doesn't seem fair.  Then I am reminded that cancer has one side effect that is much worse than any other and I put everything back in perspective.  I just have to remember it's all God's plan and I should do my best with what I've been given.  Keep praying!