Good news.....Bad news.....Crystal Ball news

I'm going to start with some of the bad news first.  Of all the news I got this week, the realization that Lillian, Caroline and Owen are leaving tomorrow hurts me the most.  Not only do I feel bad emotionally, I also feel bad physically.  Today when I hugged and kissed those kids and told them good-bye I knew this could be the last time.  For the first time I actually had a very strong feeling that I must tell them how much I loved them.  The best part was that the kids took care of most of it for me.  They kept giving me hugs and kisses and telling me that I'm the best Papa Charlie ever.  Lillian said she will see me again in Baltimore this summer.  Caroline wanted to make plans to ride scooters in the park.  As I said before, my feelings of finality were becoming stronger but, the kids did chip away at that dark spot on my heart.  What started as a 100% bad news situation turned into a positive chance of seeing them again.  Hearing them tell you how they will pray extra for not only you but, for other people who need Gods help, also warms my heart to know they understand the power of prayer.
Now, the medical news.  I met with the doctor on Monday and here's how the day went.  Vic and I were joined by Sam (surprise) at the Chemo Suites at 12:15. My blood draw was scheduled for 12:30 and everything was running ahead of schedule so I got in at 12:20. Everything was going normal until they couldn't get any blood out of my port.  Three different nurses tried but no luck.  My port needed to be cleaned out.  In the meantime the doctor needed my blood so he could formulate a plan.  Back to old school...we will get it directly from the vein. So, with one nurse injecting my port with a cleaning solution and the other nurse poking a vein we were able to do it.
The routine continues.  My nurse sends Vic and Sam to the exam room and we continue on to the scale.  Just before I got on the scale,  the nurse rubbed my back and told me I was not looking very good based on my weight loss. I agreed since I had lost over 20 lbs since my spleen surgery. Now my vitals are taken and the standard questions are asked.  Fatigue level, appetite, pain level etc.  Now everything is recorded and we wait for the doctor.
Readers digest version of the discussion we had with the doctor is to follow:
The new treatment did not do anything good.  I went through, no, we went through the toughest 2 weeks and got zero results.  My tumor marker actually went up by around 300 points.  This was a waste.  Our new plan is very simple.  My Palliative nurses team is taking the lead.  My pain has to be under control at all times.  Anything to make me more comfortable is a phone call away.  Our next chemo plan will consist of 2 strong drugs but given at a lower dose.
The Crystal Ball portion is just that, we will be watching for any changes good or bad and try whatever to make me feel better.
My new plan starts on Monday, but it wouldn't be Chuck's treatment if I didn't have a small hurdle to start.  I have a bladder infection and I am on antibiotics.  I need this checked on Thursday.
Allison and the kids are on their way home, my new treatment is shot in the dark and I have to get used to taking pain meds on a regular basis whether I feel the need or not.  My tumors will always hurt, it's just that my body has gotten used to the pain and treats it as normal.  PAIN is not normal!
That's it for now, but there will be many more entries.  Throughout this battle I have had one constant that's kept me alive and out of the loony bin.  My faith in God and the overwhelming love I am constantly washed in by my family and friends.  God sees this love and allows us to feed off of it and apply it to different facets of our lives.  Take advantage of this powerful tool, there is enough to go around.  Keep Praying and I love you all.