Quick finger update

I've completed 4 days of antibiotics and I have 3 to go.  Unfortunately the infection in my fingers does not look like it is getting better but, it is not getting worse.  Hopefully come Friday I will show some improvement and I will not have to see the surgeon again.  I can't wait to get back to fighting the cancer instead of all the other problems.  Pray for good news during my Friday appointment.  Thanks!

Deja Vu

I just got back from my weekly treatment appointment.  I had to meet with the NP before my treatment because I did not receive treatment last week due to the fact I was out by Matt and Allison.  Unfortunately I got some not so good news.  My platelet count was way down, 61 vs 97 two weeks ago.  This number prompted them to cancel my treatment for this week.  I will continue to take my chemo pills for next week and then we may alternate between the infusion and pills as opposed to taking them together.  Now, to add insult to injury, the infection in my fingers is coming back.  We are going to jump on this right away with antibiotics and soaks with bleach water.  If this does not work, I have to meet with the surgeon again.  When I was originally told I had cancer, I wondered how this was going to affect me physically.  I knew chemo was nasty and made you feel crappy.  What I didn't know was that the side effects of the chemo would cause me more physical problems than the cancer itself.  Loss of feeling in your feet and hands, acne type rashes, infections in fingertips and toes and that overall crappy feeling are all from the treatment, not the disease.  It just doesn't seem fair.  Then I am reminded that cancer has one side effect that is much worse than any other and I put everything back in perspective.  I just have to remember it's all God's plan and I should do my best with what I've been given.  Keep praying!  

Back to reality

WOW, what a great long weekend!  Now that I am home I think I will take a rest.  This was a weekend jam packed with fun from beginning to end.  Pumpkin farm, Lillian's soccer game, the girls Fall Fest at their school, a visit to Gettysburg, attending the musical Wicked, carving pumpkins and just plain old goofing around were the highlights.  It felt lonely this morning not having the girls wake me up to watch cartoons with them before breakfast.  The memories from this visit are wonderful.  Watching Lillian play goalie and making a great save during her soccer game made me so proud.  Seeing Caroline at her school interacting with friends and playing around makes me realize how old she is getting.  Watching Lillian's eyes get as big as saucers as the lights went down in the theater when the play began and then seeing her mouth the words to the songs as if she was on stage, showed me the talent she has.  These are the times that I forget about my illness.  I can't think of anything else other than enjoying being the girls PaPa.  No medicine can do for me  what being with my grand daughters does for me.  Unfortunately, when I get home my mind goes back to reality and I think about all the things I might miss if I can't beat this thing.  Time to pray and pray some more.  I pray that God will allow me the opportunity to see my grand children grow up.  Not just the ones who are here but the ones who are yet to come.  I know this is possible because the Lord has allowed me to be here and enjoy weekends like I just did, even after I was told I would not make it this long.  I look forward to being around for many more.  I would also be remiss if I did not mention how great Matt and Allison were during this trip.  I really miss having them around.  Allison especially was a trooper with all the chasing around while she is 7 mos pregnant with my first grandson. (Yahoo!)  Thanks again you two! Keep praying everybody.

Hello Baltimore

I am spending a long weekend with Matt, Allison and the girls out in Baltimore.  I was given permission by my doctor to skip my chemo infusion this week so I could make the trip.  How great is that!  We got here yesterday and have a full slate of activities planned.  Vic is with me.  It has been quite awhile since we were both out here together, it is wonderful.  So far we went to the pumpkin farm and everyone picked out a pumpkin for carving.  I think we will do that tonight.  I hope this does not turn into a big competition as to who can carve the best pumpkin but, when Matt pulled out his Dremmel tool I knew I have to be on my game tonight.  May the best man win, which will be me.  I've said it before that spending time with the girls is the best medicine I could ever get.  Well I am ready for an overdose!!  It is going to be a great weekend.  Keep praying.

Numbers update

I had my usual weekly blood work and chemo infusion yesterday and I am pleased with the results.  These numbers are the results after 2 weeks of going back to a 100% dose of the Erbitux drug.  The results are moving in the right direction.  My liver function is still good.  My platelet count actually went up a little and like usual we don't know why.  The most important number was my tumor marker which went down a little from 21.83 to 20.70.  Yes, I am using decimal points in order to get the most out of the decrease.  My numbers have been staying pretty consistent since June so we will continue on this course of treatment and look for continued small improvements.  Have a great weekend!

Fighting Cancer?

If you haven't noticed the abundance of pink this month, you've had your eyes closed.  This month is breast cancer awareness month and the "pink" is everywhere.  The NFL has allowed it's players to wear pink, there are runs and walks almost everyday.  The White House is even bathed in pink lights at night.  This is a national event that anyone with cancer should be pleased with, right?  Wrong!  I have been doing a lot of reading lately and the number of articles that have been written about cancer victims who are upset with "pinktober" is unbelievable to me.  The complaints range from people who are upset with the amount of money that actually goes to cancer research, to people who feel that breast cancer is hogging the "cancer spotlight".  I've read articles about people who are upset that to much money is going to prevention and not enough is being given to terminal patients.  There have been other articles that seem to pit one cancer against the other.  Stories being written about how breast cancer is ok to talk about while colon cancer is not have been popping up during this month.  Are these just good journalists taking the opportunity to "strike while the iron is hot" and write about the dark side of cancer awareness programs or is it something else?  I think it is the latter.  I think the reason for the complaining is because this is what we have learned to expect as a society.  Conflict, finger pointing and blame has become the norm.  I call it the "Reality TV Syndrome".  It seems like everything we see on TV or read in the news involves a negative spin to the story.  Now it has entered into the cancer arena.  Isn't cancer negative enough? Do we have to make it worse by creating teams that rip on one another?  Colon cancer vs Breast cancer vs Leukemia.  Research vs prevention vs terminal care.  ENOUGH ALREADY!  Nobody asked to get cancer.  It happened, now deal with it in a positive way.  There is nothing wrong with questioning why or why me,  but don't blame other cancer victims for your situation.  Don't tell your story about how you are getting ripped off because you are not getting the amount of money from fundraisers that you feel is proportionate to the severity of your cancer.  Don't complain to the news stations that your kind of cancer is not getting enough recognition.  All this conflict is great for ratings, but it is bad for the cause, finding a cure for cancer.  I watched the Packers/Colts football game last Sunday.  I was concerned that the coverage of the recent cancer diagnosis of the Colts head coach was going to be separated from the breast cancer awareness campaign.  This did not happen.  It did not turn into Leukemia vs Breast cancer, it was just cancer and everyone seemed to agree it's time to end it.  As I said before, cancer is negative all by itself.  It doesn't need to cause any more conflict than it already does.  I believe it is very important that we use all the energy, both positive and negative, to fight cancer, not each other.  If you feel the need to talk to someone because you are having a tough time may I suggest you start with God, not a reporter.  Conflict makes you bitter, prayer makes you better.  Keep praying!

Be patient.....stay positive

Sorry I haven't bloggged for a while.  It has been very difficult for me to open up and write about how I am really feeling at this time.  I have to admit that my last PET scan results took the wind out of my sails.  Hearing the doctor say that the tumor activity has increased was difficult to accept.  I have been on chemotherapy for 10 months so far.  The side effects of this treatment has not been pleasant, but I have always been able to justify the bad with the good results I have been getting.  I'm not getting these good results anymore.  For the first time I feel as if I am not winning.  I had my weekly chemo infusion and blood work today.   The numbers are heading in the wrong direction.  My platelets are lower and my tumor marker went up 2 points.  It has now been approximately 1 1/2 months that my numbers have been hovering with no improvement.  I'm getting frustrated and I'm finding it harder to stay patient and positive.  Then it hit me!  As I am writing this blog I am feeling better.  I guess I needed to get some negative feelings out of my system.  I've said it before, I know this will be a marathon and not a sprint.  I think it is time for me to get my second wind and that is what I will pray for...A strong and positive second wind.